When I think of friendship I think of: My high school bestie riding her bike over to my house after I texted her at 8:30 pm saying I was bored, spontaneous Friday night sleepovers, or crying on the floor in my high school bathroom with one of my gal pals after a bad day.
Then in college, friendship was all about studying with your pals for hours but only really accomplishing twenty minutes of homework. Or coming home from classes to find two of my friends already hanging out in my living room...or watching a super weird horror movie with my roommates on a Tuesday.
These are the types of things I used to measure whether or not I had friends. Most of these examples revolve around spontaneity and constant quality time. I knew once I graduated college that was all going to change. People around me would have full time jobs, among many other commitments. Schedules would be even busier than they were in college, and I knew schedules would rarely line up. So say goodbye to all the things I loved about friendship.
I am so thankful that I was right and wrong all at the same time. I do not see my best friends everyday...or once a week, sometimes not even once a month. Yet as I look at my current friendships and my current season, this is the most satisfied and confident I have been with the friends I have in my life. My top love language is quality time (if you haven't figured out what yours are please open a new tab right now and take the test) so learning to be confident in the friends I have when we do not see each other all the time has not always been easy.
Here is what I believe the two key friendship components are here: intentionality and being life giving. I haven't seen one of my best friends in about five years, but she is on of the people I feel closest to. Katie calls me probably once every two weeks just to check in. Life is busy for her but she always tries her best to find time, whether its during her commute home, or when shes has a moment between errands. Sometimes the calls are short, sometimes the calls are long. But after every phone call I feel refreshed and encouraged. Despite thousands of miles, she is still one of my closest friends.
My friends close by are also great examples. Some of them I have maybe had time to hang out with only a handful of times but wow are they incredible people. No matter how small a passing moment may be, they will come and talk to me and we do our best to catch up with the time we have. These are people that pray for me, send me random text messages and are always keeping up with communicating no matter what form may be available.
I want to close with this: just because someone is available to you doesn't always mean they are intentional and life giving. You don't have to put a label or expectation on what a "perfect" friendship looks like, because we are all so very different. Friendship is also a give and take. If you are always waiting for your friends to initiate with you, you are going to be lonely for a long time. The seasons of who gives and who takes will always be changing. But what should always stay the same is that the friends you have in your life make you feel like the best version of yourself that you can be. Like everything in life, friendship is a process that we all can figure out together.