I don’t have a problem saying no. I don’t have an issue over committing to things. I love my alone time and I love my social time. Sometimes I can be pretty lazy and I don’t feel guilty about it. For so long I looked at that as me being excellent at “self-care” or “relaxing”. I even saw it as me being strong in my faith because I was “giving up control”.
Lately I have been searching for a new job to round out my schedule, therefore I have had a lot of time on my hands. Yet I feel as though I have been very busy. I have treated each new day as an opportunity to be distracted. Whether that be advancing in my Hogwarts Mystery game on my phone (you guys its so addicting) art projects, or reorganizing my closet, I feel like I need to be constantly distracted. Any moment of down time was always layered with something else. If I’m lying down, I have my phone or computer with me. If I am doing the dishes, I like for there to be some kind of noise taking place. When I am driving I must have music playing.
Yes in my head I was checking off all the boxes of self care and being productive. I didn’t suppress any sad emotions I was maybe feeling. I’ve been doing pretty good. But then today I felt like the Lord was saying “what if you would TRULY be still and know”. Could I still trust in The Lords plan if I just stopped. If I put everything away for a moment, let my mind be completely present, would I try to regain control? Would I still completely trust in Him if I didn’t constantly try distract from my reality?
Keeping yourself occupied is good. Relaxing is good. But I’m realizing that I need to call myself out on the fact that even when I am “relaxing’ or “putting myself first” I can still neglect simply sitting in The Lord’s presence. We need to find a balance between all three (business, relaxing, and being still). So I want to challenge all of us, myself included to carve out time to sit with Him. Life will keep spinning around us, there is nothing we can do to change that. For me, I am going to strive to wake up each day as not another day where I don’t have the perfect job…but a new day in living in The Lord’s grace and promise.