The enneagram: I feel like this was a test that came out of no where and everyone jumped on the band wagon like it was trendy new way to wear jeans. Every millenial female would be asking me what my number was and vise versa. While I love the enneagram, I also kind of hate it. Mostly I have a love hate relationship with my number, the very common 2: The Helper. Now before you jump to conclusions, the reasons for this feelings may be a little different than you think.
I grew up on Meyers Briggs. My dad is basically certified in this personality type of test so it was something I always new about. When people began to tell me about the Enneagram I became very interested. I knew I loved a good quiz and anything that exposes why people are the way they are always fascinates me. The more the people around me talked about it however the more I felt disconnected to the people I knew experiencing break throughs of sorts.
Over a couple of years I heard many different stories of people finally being able to understand themselves and understand the people around them better. It was like light bulbs were going off all over my generation. But I never had that moment. I would think: did I miss something? Is something wrong with me?
So many people I knew were realizing they were a 2 on the enneagram. They were having those light bulb moments, but nothing about the “helper” felt new to me as an individual. I didn’t feel like I wanted to neglect the characteristic of a 2: I knew I thrived off of meeting the needs of others and I also new that I was insecure and would question others reciprocated love for me. What bothered me was how many women were identifying with this number.
Certain podcasts, and studies describe how many women (many being Christian women) feel as though they have to identify with a 2. Hearing this made me angry and caused me to question my own instincts. Was I just identifying with a norm that many women believed they had to follow? Then I began to believe I needed to highlight other things about myself: I am selfish and for the most part I can say no, there is no way I am a 2.
Recently however I have been having some break throughs. When old wounds of my life were finally finishing their healing cycle I realized something: many of my old wounds had to do with others or myself rejecting who I was as a human being. Whether that be people speaking against how much I love others, saying it’s “a little too much” or that my confidence was actually pride. Here is what actually matters: The Lord is our only true judge of character and something I really needed to remind myself was that He is the ultimate helper.
We are all on a journey of discovery; searching for who we are and what makes us the best version of ourselves. I’m happy there are so many outlets for people to use on their own journey. We all have a different pace but the outcome is that we all matter, no matter how differently we arrived to our destination.